Yesterday at work, I found myself suddenly liberated from the fog of procrastination that had been bugging me for the last 3-4 years. What had previously felt like an endless struggle to focus and complete tasks now came easily, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had attributed this simply to the fact that I hated some aspects of my work, but this sudden unexpected clarity pointed me to something more than that—a quiet, steadfast joy. This tweet by Peachy Keenan captured it perfectly: “All day felt this unfamiliar, strange emotion and I realised—oh, this is happiness. This is joy. The stress of the last four years has melted away. We are free.” For so long, I hadn’t even recognised my mild depression expressing itself as procrastination and lack of energy.
As I look back, it’s evident how heavy the burdens of these years had been. I remember the day of confessions during my recent XCC camping trip, where men in my team poured out their hearts, revealing the deepest sin and hidden pain—struggles with addiction, broken marriages, betrayals. In that moment of raw honesty, I confessed to something that was quite different. My struggle had been an obsession with U.S. politics, an issue so consuming that even my wife had begun to notice my anger building over these four years. She saw the toll it took on me. She saw the toll it took on us.
The root of this tension lay in the traumatic 2020 election season, a time that crushed many hopes. Watching the blatant manipulation of the ballots, seeing what felt like the very foundation of democracy crumble, and the final blow of January 6—these events bruised my spirit. The injustice, the brazen lies constantly peddled by mainstream media, and the truth I held all felt irreconcilable. It was devastating to be a powerless witness. I knew Trump had never incited violence, yet every news channel painted him, and by extension, us, as the enemy. All the while, the BLM and Antifa riots went on, unaddressed. The January 6 protesters were all labeled as insurrectionists simply for gathering to voice legitimate concerns about the actual insurrection by the Dems, and they were ultimately led into a trap—the Dems played this beautifully, and were always couple of steps ahead of us, adding to the frustration.
Even worse was the two-tiered legal system that followed, a weaponised lawfare against conservatives and Christians and of course, against Trump. It was impossible to miss the glaring double standards, and it wasn’t just limited to the US. Over here in the UK, the media, Labour Party, the cowardly Police and the Two-Tier Keir government did all they could to suppress and defend Islamist terror and rioting, while brutally punishing and mischaracterising the counter-protests by the law-abiding British people who had legitimate grievances.
And in the midst of this, the feeling of being alone hit the hardest. What pained me deeply was the alienation not just from society at large, but even from some of my Christian brothers and sisters who could not see past the mainstream narrative and who suffered from Trump Derangement Syndrome. I was misunderstood, even by those closest to me, and the loneliness it created cut deep. The lowest point came when I clashed with my wife over my MAGA hat. I felt misunderstood, betrayed, and lost in a sea of isolation. It seemed at times that I was lone in this resolve to stand firm, especially after Trump’s assassination attempt.
On 17 July 2024, the day of the assassination attempt in Butler PA., I felt something snap inside of me: a turning point in the struggle. Not only was the attempt itself disheartening, but the media’s subsequent deliberate erasure of it from the public’s memory was chilling. If we learn anything from the last four years, it’s that there is no “unity” to be had with these people. That was tried in 2016. These people would literally rather have you killed on live television for public spectacle. Instead, we need “justice” and “reckoning”. The only language these Leftists understand is one of strength. We are never to trust them but stay vigilant going forward.
Approaching November 5, the anticipation was unlike any I’d felt before—excitement mingled with apprehension. A tweet by Zeek Arkham summed it up: “Funny how we all know Trump is blowing Kamala out of the water in this election, but we’re all still apprehensive because we know cheating from the Democrats is a very real thing.” This fear was rooted in the pain of 2020, and yet, it was counterbalanced by a newfound hope.
And there were glimmers of hope. Voices of truth began to emerge—Elon Musk, Vivek Ramaswamy, JD Vance, RFK Jr., Tulsi Gabbard, and even former TDS sufferers like Joe Rogan. The $44B purchase of Twitter by Elon Musk and the subsequent release of Twitter Files will go down in history as the single most significant event in the last 50 years. It meant that we finally had access to real time news that was not subject to the government Censorship Industrial Complex. In addition, We the People could finally find each other, encouraging one another knowing that we were not as alone as we once felt.
And now, I see God’s hand in all of this. There is closure, for which I am so thankful to God, but in many ways this is even better than closure. We can see that God, in His sovereignty, used even the theft of the 2020 election for His purposes. Had Trump won then, he would have faced opposition from every direction, bogged down by the swamp that still infested his ranks. Now, in 2024, things have changed. The support he now has is substantial and determined, with the dream team Cabinet, the House and Senate majority, a strengthened Supreme Court, and a clear mandate from the people. The opportunity to truly “drain the swamp” is closer now than ever.
My heart overflows with gratitude, not only for God’s work in my life but for the transformation in my wife as well. She stood by me, seeking truth and discovering her own conviction. Although she may still not wear the MAGA hat as openly, she is not the same woman as she was four years ago. For that, and for this entire season, I thank God. Also, I realised that my daughter, who just turned four, has only ever known this more hardened, angrier version of me burdened by the trauma of 2020. Now, I can finally smile, laugh, and engage with her without the heaviness I used to carry. There is light where there was once only frustration.
There were two factors that I point to that helped me to get through this period. One is prayer. “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land” (2 Chronicles 7:14). In 2024 especially, I was blessed by the opportunity to lead 6AM prayer meetings at the Oval Chapel, and it was so encouraging to pray together continually for the nation, repenting as Daniel did for the sins of his people and making supplication and intercession before our heavenly Father. Another was physical exertion in the form of morning Murph Challenge exercises. “For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8)
Through all of this, I remain firmly rooted in the blessed hope, which is not in any man or movement but in Jesus Christ, my Saviour and King. I am eagerly awaiting His glorious return, the day when He will set all things right, reign in justice, and bring true and lasting peace. Until then, I thank God for giving me the strength, the clarity, and the fellowship to endure this season and for restoring the joy I had lost.
