In a world increasingly driven by atheism, materialism, and progressive leftist ideologies, it becomes harder and harder to maintain the foundational teachings of the Bible concerning family structure. The Scriptures provide clear instructions on the roles of husbands and wives, particularly in Ephesians 5:22, Colossians 3:18, and 1 Peter 3:1. Isnโt it now time to understand and embrace these Biblical principles so that Godโs original perfect design can be restored within our Christian families?
In all three passages, the consistent instruction is that โwives must submit to their own husbandsโ while husbands are commanded to love their wives. Ephesians 5:22 states, โWives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.โ Similarly, Colossians 3:18 advises, โWives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.โ Lastly, 1 Peter 3:1 reinforces this message: โWives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands.โ The same three passages command men to love their wives as Christ loved the Church.
Notably, this pairing of commands to the wife and to the husband is never reversed; the Bible does not instruct wives to love their husbands, nor does it command husbands to submit to their wives. This distinction aligns with a biological reality in two ways:
- Women do not need a separate command to โloveโ their husbands; itโs in their nature to dote on or love their husbands as they would a child or a pet dog. However, submitting to her husband goes against her carnal nature (Genesis 3:16).ย
- Men are hard wired respond positively to respect and extremely negatively to the lack of respect; women are hard wired to respond positively to love and extremely negatively to the lack of love. There is an entire series of books/ministry around this idea.
Remarkably, the order in which these instructions are given is the same in all of the three passages. The admonition to wives to submit to their husbands always precedes the command to husbands to love their wives. I believe that this ordering is not arbitrary and that we ignore it at our own peril. Unfortunately, todayโs church often overlooks this teaching, influenced by societal trends such as feminism and the postwar consensus. In an attempt to appear modern and progressive, we risk becoming โtoo cool for the Word of God,โ neglecting the timeless wisdom it offers.
It is essential to clarify that mutual love and respect are foundational to any marriage. The call for wives to submit and husbands to love does not imply conditional affection or a hierarchy of worth. As believers, we are all called to love one another because God first loved us. However, adhering to the biblical order fosters a balanced and fulfilling relationship that honours Godโs design.
Currently, there is a prevalent emphasis on husbands to love their wives, a message even echoed by the secular world and even by the likes of Hollywood. Women in some churches are even led to believe they should only submit to their husbands after they exhibit Christlike love. The sad truth is that many wives in the church are not even aware that they are called to submit to their husbands, not out of inferiority, but as a reflection of divine order.
The result is a disproportionate blame being placed on husbands, with every finger pointed at them to love their wives more sacrificially, while they receive little respect or even scorn from their wives in return. With such an imbalance and disenfranchisement of men, it is hardly surprising to see the current dwindling presence of men in the church and a sense of displacement among those who remain. Men, lacking a supportive environment that acknowledges their biblical role, often feel marginalised and undervalued.
Re-embracing the biblical commands on family roles is vital for the spiritual health of both the church and individual families. By recognising and respecting the order presented in Scripture, we can overcome the cultural distortions that have seeped into our teachings. Let us return to the wisdom of the Word, ensuring that both husbands and wives fulfil their God-given roles, thereby strengthening our families and restoring Godโs original perfect design for them.
